FUCK YOUR ATTENTION SPAN: AD/HD FEST Q&A

The AD/HD Fest, one of the obscenest concepts in recent memory (well, since last year’s edition anyway), is gearing up for its second edition (on Saturday at the Camden Unicorn). ZT spoke to the two main brains behind the extravaganza, or shall we say mass?

 

Tell us who you guys are and how the idea for this ‘gig’ came about, as well as its format…

 

Mister Hyper: My name is Mister Hyper and this here is Uncle Deficit. We bring to you this oh look there’s a bloke just walked past with a pair of boots I once had. Now what’s for lunch? Erm, where was I? Too many questions in one sentence. Um, we decided we wanted to do a punk/metal gig to bridge the gaps and Uncle Deficit came up with this terrible idea of having each band playing ten minutes in turn, three times in total, so three different sets. We went along with it for a laugh.

 

Uncle Deficit: What’s your favourite Goatpenis riff?

 

What was the first edition in 2011 like?

 

Mister Hyper: What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, AD/HD fest! It went very well, it was much more of a punk thing last year, we had Disfago, Nebukadnezza, OiZ II Men and those fine young bucks in CODE BLUE who put on what was probably the best performance. It was at the Bird’s Nest in Deptford and everyone got shitfaced and Uncle Deficit’s cousin turned up to spice things up a little by assaulting various members of the bands while they were playing. He’s back this year with COPROFAGI, his own outfit. So now we can assault him back.

 

Uncle Deficit: Oh yes, the cousin. Me and him have been buddies for… hmm… not sure… I’d never mix ketchup with pesto for the inferior purpose of spicing up a salad. I hate salad… and the Brooklyn Dodgers.

 

Will proceeds from the night go to any AD/HD charities?

 

Mister Hyper: It’s a free night, but maybe it’s something we should look into, I think most of the people performing are charity cases anyway. Tits.

 

Uncle Deficit: Nonesense…. what… who… those are two of the 6 Ws of journalism. Probably… I’ve heard that song so many… what’s music to you? No charities, no free shit… except entrance and freedom in the USA.

 

Tell us a bit about the bands playing, and the one that is most likely to keep the attention of those in the crowd who… have no attention span?

 

Mister Hyper: NEBUKADNEZZA: grindcore/old skool thrash. They have a bassist now. Donny has a beard. Their drummer doesn’t speak much. GETS WORSE play powerviolence whatever the fuck that is, I think in this country they just call it grindcore. Nutty band. SHOOT THE BASTARD is high octane screechy um punk music I suppose? I dunno. We put them on cos they sound fucking mental to be honest. They have a lot of blast beats. NOISE COMPLAINT are a bunch of real weirdos, they play very very short songs, so perfect for the line-up. Yes, they’re hilariously fast too. Then we have DISFAGO, a bunch of cretins who thought it would be a good idea to try and play a mixture between Discharge and Sarcofago and failing to sound like either band. We also have COPROFAGI, as mentioned before. They’re coming all the way from Finland, I hope they realise they won’t be getting paid for this, either way they’re foreign so probably won’t understand what’s going on. Finally there’s OIZ II MEN who have absolutely nothing to do on this line-up as all they do is play bad street punk songs about drinking and eating. Also, they’re all Nazis. Actually they aren’t. Well, they mentioned something to me once and it sounded like “We’re a bunch of nazi fucks, please beat us up” but then my attention span ain’t all that – hey let’s watch an episode of the Simpsons.

 

Uncle Deficit: I think ducks.

 

What are your expectations for the night? What carnage and debauchery can you promise us?

 

Mister Hyper: Uncle Deficit’s cousin staring fights with various band members. People forgetting when they’re meant to be playing, an extremely messy stage, way too much booze… there’s a contingent of Finns turning up, so that’s inevitable, bunch of alcoholics that they are… People forgetting what band they’re in, probably, the third sets are always the funniest cos that’s when everybody’s truly shitfaced. I dunno, who knows? We rely on the audience to act like a bunch of fuckwits as well, so it’s also down to whoever turns up!

 

Uncle Deficit: I’m probably Finnish too then. I paid attention, see… see what?

 

The last words are yours, say something about the night before my mind wanders…

 

Booze, loud music, chaos and big steaming piles of faeces. OK, maybe not the faeces, but then again anything’s possible. I dunno, what do you have in mind? So many questions…

 

Why are you so sexy? MS: Because I play in a rock band.

Will anyone famous turn up? MS: Yes, it’s a magnet for A list celebrities.

Do you like the last Morbid Angel album? MS: Yes it’s a masterpiece in ingenuity; it is probably the most on the mark album out there right now.

Would you like me to pet my penis? Yes please.

 

Uncle Deficit: Classic Daragh “outlaw journo” Markham

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