BLASTONBURY 2012: FOETAL JUICE

So, I’ve been reading the handbook for the terminally diseased. Apparently, if you say it quickly three times they’ll be round to kill your mother no problem… and most definitely rape your dog.

 

Foetal Juice, Foetal Juice, Foetal Juice! shot to the top of my list of UK auditory extremism after first blowing my mind (and my dick) this past March on a line up so stacked Triple H mainlined 500 mgs of steroids in muscle envy when we gave him a flyer. Talk about heavy hittin’ competition: Rectal Smegma, The Atrocity Exhibit, Merciless Precision, Gout, and After The Last Sky were all there. On my scorecard, Foetal Juice won. These great northern wankers bring the good times to grind, adding their juvenile and vulgar sense of humour to music that’s careful to keep the robust groove and riffage of classic death metal ’round. Speaking from experience, these dudes know how to party and are absolutely guaranteed to be a highlight of Blastonbury. If you’re not already planning to join the genital grinding glory October 6-7 at The Well in Leeds, maybe they’ll put out an album one day. I’ll start holding my breath after I’m done getting mortal busking for beer money that weekend.

 

ZT: Relatively speaking, you guys have been around for a long while (2005 eh?) and have only done a couple demos, which is very slow progress by underground death metal/grind standards. So are you lazy? Poor? Stupid?

 

FJ: Yeah, we have been going since 2005 and yeah, we are all the above plus more. Half of us are morbidly obese skint bastards who haven’t got a brain cell to rub together and the other half are Ben and Sam who are just fucking idiots! We’ve written about 40 songs altogether and ended up scrapping half of them before we have had chance to record them due to financial problems. Most of the recordings we have done have been through college/uni people and have turned out quite un-releasable. Haha, no offence to the people that have recorded them for us but we wouldn’t even wipe our arses on them!!

 

ZT: Where is this full-length you’ve been promising us for a couple years? Is it happening? If so, who are you recording with and why?

 

FJ: We recorded most of it 3 years ago with a friend but we never got time to get the vocals or bass done because he had to move away due to work reasons so we put it on hold. It was going to be an 11 track called ‘Trouble in the Womb’. Our mate who recorded us has moved back recently but we have scrapped half of the songs on it now. We decided to finish off the 5 songs that we still play and they are soon to be released on a split with Zombiefied, BTK, Nailed and Decimation really soon on Grindscene Records. The songs on the split are: ‘Introjuice’, ‘Colostomy Baguette’, ‘Reel Big Fetus’, ‘Revolt’ and ‘Twisted Fister’. We have recorded a 5 track with Tom Dring at Vagrant Studios a couple of months ago and that will be released after the split too with an extra 2 bonus tracks recorded in Huddersfield. The EP will be called ‘Big Trouble In Little Vagina’, songs on that are: ‘Big Trouble in Little Vagina’, ‘Brewkake’, ‘Semen Evil Smear No Evil’, ‘Serpents Of The Northern Lights’ and ‘Service Station Masturbation’. Bonus tracks are ‘Scrotal Idiot’ and ‘Tumor Has It’.

 

ZT: What can we expect?

 

FJ: Same as always heavy, old school, grind/death metal, but it will be a damn sight more listenable then trying to understand Jill’s English accent.

 

ZT: Other than the sweaty, grunting men, what attracted you to old-school death metal and grind in the first place?

 

FJ: The fat grim birds that half an hour into fucking you realize that your fucking there folds rather then the grim sweat and chicken covered cesspit that they call a snatch. Other then that I don’t think you really choose to be into it, it just happens through hating the ‘real’ metal fans who’s idea of metal is Rob Halford sucking off Bruce Dickinson. m/

 

ZT: What is your take on the current state of UK death metal/grind? Who would you say is killing it right now? Tell us a bit about what’s happening in Manchester.

 

FJ: The UK scene is full of great bands at the minute that we have had the pleasure of playing with over the years such as, The Atrocity Exhibit, Gout, Diascorium, Oblivionized, Canserous Womb, Neuroma, Kastrated, The Afternoon Gents, everyone on the Blastonbury line up (from the UK) the list is endless. The underground scene is thriving at the moment in Leeds, London, Liverpool, Bristol, Edinburgh pretty much everywhere but Manchester as that is shite. No one comes out to underground gigs there but a couple of people are trying to get the ball rolling again like MMC.

 

ZT: The list of ‘extreme’ bands in the UK is seemingly endless, why are you any different from the rest of the plebs?

 

FJ: It is indeed an endless list, we differ due to the fact we try to stick to the older style of death/grind where its not about speed and ability putting sweeps all over the songs and gravity blasts where ever you can fit them as a display of talent. We tend to concentrate on writing a good old fashion groovy riff and making music that gets the audience fighting. We started this band because their was a kind of music that we really wanted to listen to but couldn’t find it, a kind of punk, grind, death hybrid that makes you want to cry wank into a sock, and I think we fit it rather well!

 

ZT: Twisted Fister and Big Trouble In Little Vagina are about hot dude on dude action. What’s sexy about Dee Snider and Kurt Russell?

 

FJ: Hang on a second you arse bandit!! Who’s to say it’s not a woman fisting Dee Snider?? Or carving Kurt Russell’s arsehole into a vagina looking creature? We are just trying not to be sexist for once, saying that men can get raped too but most definitely not by us.

 

ZT: When masturbating in public places, what’s the best MacGyver-able lube?

 

FJ: Nivea skin lotion and a sock. But failing that a luke warm Ginsters pasty from any service station usually works a treat, and tomorrow’s women will get a hidden snack from under the foreskin. Commonly known as a Foetal treat.

 

ZT: When you become rich and famous after you get signed to Earache, what are you going to do with your notoriety and fortune?

 

FJ: If that happens we will do everything exactly the same apart from hire midgets to wipe our arses and buy high quality women’s ankle socks that have been used by the best whores in Amsterdam so that our cocks smell of high class hooker sweat when we finish.

 

ZT: Who is going to decimate Blastonbury and how do you plan on out doing Cemetery Rapist?

 

FJ: We plan an out doing Cemetery Rapist purely by having 4 pairs of tits on stage rather than a flat chested American…throw him a sandwich. Apart from that there are shit loads of good bands on this year Ahumado Granujo, Cemetery Rapist, Razor Rape, Rectal Implosion, Living With Disfigurement, Zombiefied, Magpyes, Diascorium, etc., etc. Pretty much all of them. Can’t wait!!!


Go like listen and shit HERE.

 

BLAST OFFFFFFFF and get a fucking ticket, chump: HERE.

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